Archie vs Jurassic World
by Booksaboutnothing
Summary: The Archie Gang travels to Jurassic World where things start to go horribly wrong. Rated T for death, violence and language
1. Chapter 1

**Archie vs. Jurrasic World**

 _The following story is a mash-up parody written for comedic purposes, the characters are not my own_

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

"This is an amazing field trip," Archie Andrews commented.

The red headed teen and the rest of the senior class of Riverdale High were at Jurassic World, the new dinosaur theme park located on Isla Nublar featured live dinosaurs that had been cloned from old fossil DNA. They were gathered in the along the park's midway where the restaurants and hotels were located.

"Okay listen up students," said Principal Weatherbee a large balding man. "We're going to divide into groups of ten to tour the park. Thanks to Veronica's father Mr. Lodge who's a big corporate sponsor for the park we're being giving tours of areas of the park that our off limits to the regular guests."

The students all turned and clapped while Veronica Lodge, the raven haired daughter of billionaire Hiram Lodge twirled and posed believing that they were clapping for her; adulation that she herself had not really earned.

"So please divide into the groups, nine students and one teacher," Weatherbee said.

Archie and Veronica ended up in a group with their friends: Betty Cooper a blonde haired blue-eyed sweetheart who was Veronica's best friend despite the two being such very different people; Jughead Jones a skinny dark-haired boy with a ravenous appetite who was Archie's best friend; Reggie Mantle a tall dark and handsome boy who had an ego to match his good looks; Chuck Clayton an African-American boy who was a star athlete at school; Nancy Woods who was also African American and a good athlete as well as Chuck's girlfriend; Dilton Doiley a short bespectacled boy who was a big nerd; and lastly Ethel Muggs a tall lanky girl with a somewhat unattractive face who had a big crush on Jughead, something he didn't reciprocate. Also with them was Miss Geraldine Grundy a middle-aged woman with greying hair who was a history and English teacher back at Riverdale High.

They made their way to one of the parks state-of-the-art electric tour vans, which was to drive them around the island.

"Welcome everybody, my name is Zara and I'll be your guide today," their tour guide, an attractive young woman with long dark hair.

"Oh boy!" Archie exclaimed upon seeing her.

Betty and Veronica looked at each other and rolled their eyes and shook their heads. Both of them were attracted to Archie both of them dated him, which left many people wondering how the two even managed to be friends. What kept the two of them together was that while they competed with each other, they both shared a disdain for Archie dating anybody else; something that was a problem since Archie was hornier than the average teenage boy.

"You know sometimes I think Ethel has it easier than us," Betty whispered to Veronica.

They both looked over at Ethel who was fawning over Jughead. Jughead for his part was completely ignoring her, engrossed instead on a foot-long sandwich he had obtained from one of the restaurants before boarding the van.

Once everyone was on board the van started up. They drove through some thick jungle before emerging at a clearing which contained a large tower.

"This is our security control tower," Zara explained as they approached. "This facility controls and monitors all of the systems we have in place to keep the dinosaurs contained safely in their separate areas on the island."

The tour van came to a stop outside the building and they all got out and went inside. Once inside they took an elevator to the top floor. After they stepped out they were met by a tall heavier-set man with short graying hair wearing a khaki coloured shirt.

"This is Vic Hoskins our chief of security here on the island," Zara introduced. "He's going to show us around the security tower and show how things work."

"Follow me," Vic said gruffly. "And try to pay attention."

He took them into a control room. There were six employees in the room looking over various screens.

"This is the control room where we monitor the dinosaurs," Vic said. "The herbivores we are able to keep easily contained with electrical fences so we just have to monitor that the voltage remains in a range that won't kill them but is strong enough to deter them from attempting to touch the fences. The carnivores however are another matter, as you can see we're just outside the Tyrannosaurus pen. We keep it away with subsonic generators along with a powerful electrical fence."

While he moved on and the rest of the group followed, Archie was fixated on a young blonde woman who worked in the control room.

"How you doing?" Archie asked sitting on the desk beside her.

"Good," she replied shyly smiling up at him.

"I'm Archie, who are you?" he asked.

"Vivian," she replied tapping her name tag.

"Well that name is almost as pretty as you are," Archie said as he leaned down to kiss her.

Just then Betty and Veronica turned around as they realized Archie wasn't with the rest of the group.

"Archie!" Betty exclaimed.

Surprised Archie stumbled and his hand hit something. Suddenly all lights, the computers and everything in the room shut down.

"Oops," Archie exclaimed.

"Archie Andrews!" Miss Grundy yelled as she stormed towards him angrily.

Archie went to get up but tripped and ended up falling down onto Vivian's computer smashing it.

"Oh no!" Vivian cried out.

At this point Vic Hoskins began stomping angrily towards Archie. Archie got up and ran away heading towards he nearby balcony that looked out towards the T-Rex pen. Vic went running after him.

"You clumsy idiot!" Vic yelled. "You just disabled everything and put everyone on this island in danger!"

He went to try and grabbed Archie. The two struggled and then suddenly they both fell over the balcony. Vic let out a scream of terror until he hit the ground below, but Archie was able to grabbed onto the railing and stop himself from falling.

"Oh my god Archie!" Veronica cried out.

Everyone ran towards Archie but just then there was loud noise and they all saw the T-Rex emerge from the jungle. The huge dinosaur broke through the now deactivated electrical fences heading towards the tower. It sniffed at Vic's corpse on the ground below and then looked up and let out a roar.

"Betty, Veronica I love…" Archie cried out as he suddenly lost his grip and fell.

Everyone ran to the balcony to look and they all saw Archie fall into the waiting jaws of the T-Rex. The dinosaur snapped it's jaws shut and shook him back and forth before leaning back and swallowing him.

"Oh god, Archie," Betty and Veronica sobbed.

Back in the control room it was panic amongst the employees.

"Oh god what do we do?" Vivian asked. "I mean Vic is dead!"

"We need to start the evacuation process," Zara said. "Work on getting power restored."

"But that boy… Archie or whatever his name was, he destroyed the main terminal," Vivian said.

"Well isn't there a backup?" Zara asked exasperated.

"Well yes but it will take hours to get it online," Vivian replied.

"Then do it," Zara said. "I'm going to get these students back to the main area and inform Ms. Dearing about what happened."

Zara went to the balcony where all the students were still watching as the T-Rex continued to eat Archie.

"Come on all of you," Zara said. "We've got to get back to the main area to star the evacuation."

"But that T-Rex is right down there," Chuck said.

"It will be fine," Zara promised. "I know it's disgusting that it ate your friend, but after eating the dinosaur will be rather docile. Often they take a nap after eating in fact."

As if on cue the T-Rex began slowly walking back into the jungle.

"See, it's alright," Zara said.

"She's right students," Ms. Grundy said. "The safest thing we can do now is get off of this island."

There were some grumbles of protest but eventually the students all agreed. Rather than take the elevator they had to use the stairs since the elevator still had no power. When they got down to the bottom they soon found that their tour van had been knocked over by a Triceratops which was standing over top of the smashed vehicle in a sort of celebratory manner.

"Damn it," Zara muttered.

She turned around to take a quick head count. Along with herself there were ten of them left, which was actually the ideal number for her idea.

"Okay we're going to have to use the security jeeps to get back," Zara said. "It's probably better since they're faster and can go off-road if necessary. The only thing is that they can only hold five people each so we'll have to split up."

She looked over at Grundy.

"I want you to drive the second jeep, just stay close behind me," Zara said to Grundy.

"You four," she said pointing at Betty, Veronica, Reggie and Jughead. "You're coming with me, the rest of you are with your teacher."

Zara then opened the door out of the tower and marched out, the rest of the students began to follow her except for Chuck. Nancy stood just outside the door.

"Come on Chuck we have to hurry," Nancy said.

"Uh, uh, no way. I ain't going out there with that dinosaur right there," Chuck said. "Look what it did to the van."

"It's not going to eat you Chuck," Nancy argued.

"Come on," Ethel said grabbing Nancy by the wrist and pulling her after the others.

"Hurry up Chuck or you'll be left behind," Nancy called.

The others were soon out of sight from Chuck who stood just inside the tower debating with himself about what to do.

"I ain't going out there," Chuck said to himself. "I know what happens to the black guy when he gets left on his own in these situations. No Chuck, this isn't a movie, just because you're on your own in a scary situation doesn't mean some dinosaur is going to kill you."

Chuck slapped himself in the face, once then twice.

"You can do this Chuck!" he yelled at himself.

Yelling at the top of his lungs he ran outside after his friend. The triceratops looked up curious about the noise and locked eyes with Chuck.

"Oh shit," Chuck muttered as the Triceratops lowers its head and charged at him.

Unfortunately Chuck was not nearly fast enough despite being a star athlete. The Triceratops tossed him up tossing him nearly fifteen straight up into the air and he came down and was impaled on the top pair of the Triceratops' horns.

Over at the jeeps the other students saw Chuck get attacked.

"Oh god Chuck!" Nancy screamed.

Ethel clamped her hand over Nancy's mouth.

"Don't yell I think that's what made it attack Chuck," Ethel said.

"Everybody hurry up and get in," Zara ordered.

The piled into their respective jeeps.

"I hope we can get out of here," Betty whimpered to Veronica.

"Me too," Veronica said. "Daddy was going to take me to the Prada fashion show next month."

* * *

 _This story was inspired after I read the recently publish Archie vs. Predator and Archie vs. Sharknado, I recommend checking those out and also reviewing this story._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

* * *

The jeeps roared to life. Zara slammed her jeep into reverse and backed up and wildly spun the jeep around. She then shifted into drive and drove off swerving around the surprised Triceratops, Chuck's body was still impaled on its horns.

Grundy didn't drive the other Jeep near as fast Zara. And the startled Triceratops lashed it's big tail striking the side of their Jeep. Grundy struggled to control the vehicle as it skidded out of control but it ended up sliding sideways and then began barrel rolling.

Only Dilton had thought to put on his seat belt and Nancy, Ethel and Grundy were all thrown from the vehicle. Grundy was tossed out the driver side door only for the vehicle to roll over on top of her immediately killing her.

Nancy and Ethel went through the cloth roof and were left behind on the ground badly injured.

"Oh my god!" Betty exclaimed from the lead jeep as she looked back. "We need to turn around!"

Zara skidded to a stop and looked back. The most visible body was that of Grundy and she was clearly dead.

"They're dead," Zara said.

"Wait look," Jughead shouted pointing.

They all looked to see Dilton crawling out from the jeep, which had come to a stop upside down.

"We have to save him," Betty said.

Zara held the steering wheel for a moment clearly having an internal struggle.

"You're responsible for getting as many of us off the island," Jughead said. "You can't pick and choose."

Somewhat frustrated Zara slammed on the accelerator and sped back towards the jeep. Dilton had gotten out of the jeep and staggered to his feet and was slowly making his way towards them. They were halfway there when suddenly a group of five velociraptors emerged from the forest.

"Oh shit!" Zara said as she brought jeep to a screeching halt.

As they all watched in horror the velociraptors pounced on Dilton and proceeded to tear him apart.

"Oh my god!" Veronica shrieked.

Suddenly more emerged from the jungle and they began eating Nancy and Ethel who screamed letting the others know that they weren't dead yet.

"We have to leave," Zara declared.

She turned the jeep around once more and sped off down the road. They were soon clear of the pack of velociraptors.

"Hey what is that?" Reggie asked pointing at something up in the sky.

They all looked up to see what looked like a giant bird and it seemed to be holding something.

"That's a Pterosaur," Zara said glancing up.

"What's it holding?" Veronica asked.

Suddenly the dinosaur dropped whatever it was holding and it began plummeting down straight towards them. Zara slammed on the breaks and they all screamed as the body of a person slammed into the ground just ten feet in front of them.

"Oh my god it's Weatherbee," Betty exclaimed.

"We have to keep moving," Zara said.

She hit the accelerator once again and the Jeep surged forward. It bounced up and down as she drove over Weatherbee's corpse – THUMP, THUMP.

They continued down the road at high speed when suddenly up ahead they saw something over the trees.

"Oh no!" Veronica cried out.

A panicking pair of Apatosaurus was charging through the jungle straight towards the road. The two dinosaurs were knocking down trees in their path and as they reach the road two large trees fell across the road blocking it.

Zara slammed on the brakes but they were travelling so quickly that the Jeep was still travelling at high speed when it slammed into the first tree. Everyone was jerked about violently from the crash and they were all knocked unconscious.

* * *

When Reggie woke up he was still in his seat behind Zara, Veronica was unconscious beside him and Betty beside her. Jughead was leaning back in the front passenger seat while Zara was slumped over the steer wheel not moving.

"Ronnie, Veronica," Reggie said hoarsely as he shook Veronica.

Veronica awoke with a start.

"What oh god, what happened?" Veronica asked dazed and confused.

"We crashed," Reggie said.

"Did I get any blood on my dress?" Veronica asked. "This Chanel."

"Uh, no I don't think so," Reggie replied.

"Oh thank goodness," Veronica sighed with relief.

Beside her Betty groaned as she too awoke and Jughead did likewise in the front seat.

"Ugh…" Betty grunted. "Is everyone okay?"

"I don't think so," Jughead replied.

Everyone looked to see that Jughead was checking Zara's pulse. He then pushed her back off the steering wheel and her head lolled to the side at a very awkward angle.

"Oh shit, that's disgusting," Reggie commented.

"She must have broken her neck in the crash, maybe hitting the steering wheel," Betty said.

"Well now what do we do?" Veronica asked panicking.

Betty got to her feet and looked around.

"I think I see a building through the jungle there where those dinosaurs came from," Betty said pointing down the path that the two huge Apatosaurus had cleared. "Maybe there is somebody there, or a vehicle or something."

"You think we're going to travel through the forest on foot?" Veronica asked nervously. "There are dinosaurs in there."

"She's got a point," Jughead said. "It's not like sitting her is exactly safe either."

"Somebody might come and save us," Veronica argued.

"Hey look what I found," Reggie said.

Everyone looked to see Reggie leaning over the back seat and when he stood up they saw that he had a military grade assault rifle.

"There's another one and a pair of shot guns here," Reggie said.

"Well at least we'll be able to try and defend ourselves," Betty said as Reggie handed one of the shot guns to her.

"Well as long we don't come across something like that triceratops," Jughead commented as he picked up the other assault rifle. "I think bullets would just bounce off of that thing."

"Come on, we should get moving," Reggie said handing the last shotgun to Veronica.

"I don't know how to use this thing," Veronica said.

"You point it at what you want to kill and pull the trigger," Jughead explained exasperatedly. "It couldn't be simpler."

"Come on guys let's move," Betty said.

They began running down the path that the two dinosaurs had cleared, their way was slowed by the fallen trees that they had to climb over. Soon Reggie and Jughead had gotten a bit ahead as Betty was helping Veronica.

Reggie and Jughead got through to the clearing where the building was.

"There's a helicopter on the roof!" Reggie exclaimed pointing at the edge of helicopter blade that could be seen.

He and Jughead began running towards the building while Betty and Veronica were still climbing over the last of the trees. Just then a pack of a velociraptors emerged from the trees.

"Run!" Betty yelled.

She and Veronica ran towards the building. Reggie and Jughead had managed to get one of the doors open and they left it open for the girls as they headed up for the roof. Betty stopped to fire her shot gun taking down the nearest raptor while Veronica ran on ahead.

Veronica got to the door and ran inside slamming it shut and then started running upstairs. Seconds later Betty reached the door.

"Veronica, Veronica!" Betty yelled. "Veronica open the door."

However Veronica couldn't hear her as she was running up the stairs. Betty turned around to find herself surround by six raptors. She unloaded with the shot gun and was able to take down two before the others swarmed her and began tearing her apart.

* * *

Reggie and Jughead looked the helicopter over. It wasn't nearly as impressive as they thought it might be. And to make things worse it only had two seats and neither of them knew how to fly it. Just then Veronica arrived on the roof out of breath.

"Where's Betty?" Jughead asked.

"Betty?" Veronica responded in surprise. "Isn't she…"

"It's probably for the best," Reggie said. "I mean look at this little helicopter."

"Oh cute, a Bell 47," Veronica said. "My daddy bought me one for my sixteenth birthday."

"Wait… you can fly this thing?" Jughead asked in surprise.

"Sure," Veronica said as she climbed into the pilot's seat.

Veronica looked over the gauges. She then flicked a few switches and the main rotor began to slowly turn and then began spinning rapidly as the helicopter six cylinder engine roared to life. Reggie quickly climbed into the passenger seat and Jughead climbed him beside him. Veronica then began slowly raising the helicopter up into the air. However the helicopter only rose about four feet off the roof.

"There's too much weight!" Veronica said.

"You need to get off," Reggie shouted at Jughead as he tried to push him out.

"No you get off," Jughead responded as he tried to pull Reggie past him.

The helicopter shook back and forth as the two boys struggled with each other.

"Stop it! Stop it or you'll kill us all!" Veronica yelled.

Neither of them listened, but Jughead struck Reggie with a cheap shot to the balls causing Reggie to let out a high pitched squeal.

"Ha, ha, I win!" Jughead exclaimed.

Suddenly a shotgun blast ran out and Jughead tumbled out of the helicopter falling to the ground below. His body landed just a few feet away from Betty's corpses and the surprised velociraptors scattered only to turn around and eat the free meal that had just been given to them.

Reggie looked over to see Veronica holding the shot gun.

"Why, why did you do that?" Reggie asked.

"You're too good looking to die," Veronica replied. "And frankly Jughead is just disgusting."

"God I love you," Reggie said.

The two kissed as the helicopter flew away from the island to safety.

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 _This story has been parody crossover. Please leave a review letting me know what you think._


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